My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
