Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.