it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.