Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
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Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.