If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out