my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed