took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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