found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
