i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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