Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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