my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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