I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
