I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize