proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
