I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I forgot wine drunk hurts
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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