I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
