you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
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Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
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He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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