I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
