I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
