you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ladies don't puke and tell
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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