I accidentally had phone sex last night
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
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I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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