I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
