lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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