My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
