I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
