You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
