i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
