you would pick up someone in the library
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral