last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.