I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.