He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic