Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
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no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..