no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
