oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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