You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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