Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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