The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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