Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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