there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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