She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
