it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
