Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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