Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he was CRYING into my vagina
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
