So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
