i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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