oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
