i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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