In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
