oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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