We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize