Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
