I'm drive I can fine osifer
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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