Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
