why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
