areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
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I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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