I want to stick my p in your. b.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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