i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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