What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
