paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
