No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
