I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
