HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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