remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
