The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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