I think I am morally bankrupt
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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